Marjorie Daw!

See-saw, Marjorie Daw, so goes the ancient nursery rhyme and as I reflect on the comings and goings of the last few days, it seems like a fairly relevant phrase. United manager Roy Walker said he thought he needed, a couple of players during the transfer window. I'm sure it never crossed his mind that he'd lose two players who had 'shaken' hands on an extension to their contract, which meant he needed two replacements for them. Another player, who has become part of the United set-up has intimated that he sees no long term future at the Showgrounds and will not be here next season. Walker has already 'shown the door' to Richard Gibson and placed Nathan Hanly on the transfer list, but I believe Mike Smith has to go too.

Roy has already stated that if 'you're not for us, you're against us' and Gibson demonstrated that perfectly on Tuesday night at the Oval. Surely we can't take a chance on Mike Smith throwing in the towel against his likely employers (Linfield), this Saturday. He did play extremely well on Tuesday night, but we need somebody, who's a dyed in the wool Sky Blue man, not a fly by night money grabber. Hanly, Gibson and Smith all fall into that category and therefore they can't be relied on when the chips are down. Roy says Hanly and Gibson shook hands on a new deal, I wonder did they look him straight in the eye when they did it. The eyes are the windows of the soul and the 'shifty' boys can't look you straight in the eye which is a dead give-away.

On top of all this upheaval I found out today that Dwayne Nelson, who performed heroicly on Tuesday night, won't play again this season, yet another position Roy must fill in the next four days. The old saying that it 'never rains but it pours' is definitely bearing true for United at this point. But we've had such misfortunes many times in the past and we've just got on with it. Paul McAreavy may or may not turn out to be a good signing and like Ru McClean will have to be given time to prove his worth. Linfield (beware of wolves in sheep's clothing), have 'loaned' us a young striker, Aaron Boyd, which may or may not be beneficial to us, but only time will tell. A top six position is well within our reach, we have no other distractions and nobody to blame but ourselves if we don't make it. Come on Sky Blues, let's go for it, let's shaft them all!

Skit S--t!

This is a wee 'skit' I've writ(ten), giving a 'tongue in the cheek', reason for the false accusations laid against United fans when they visited Stangmore Park, Dungannon last season. There may be some inaccuracies here, as after all I'm only human (allegedly), but if this offends any United fan, I deeply regret it. If it offends any of those love children from County Tyrone, who told lies about us and influenced the referee, I will be truly ecstatic!

Twas (sorry for the archaic language), Saturday the 15th August, 2009, an auspicious date if ever there was one. United fans had made the long boring journey to Stangmore Park to watch the wee Sky Blues as is their wont on a Saturday afternoon. Now that 'hole', that is Stangmore, has never been a 'happy hunting ground' for us it's fair to say, but we believe in following our team no matter where they go. By a strange coincidence both teams sported a player who it would be fair to say was a non-white. Alvin Rouse, from West Indies I believe, was in goal for the home side, while Ormo Okunaiya, known simply as Ormo by United fans, was playing for the Sky Blues.

There was the usual banter during the game, friendly it could be said, if that's possible, we were as usual branded as 'sheep shaggers', while they who are famous for one thing only, the slaughter of 'chickens' and what they do to them, before or after slaughter, is anybody's guess and I'm not guessing. During the both halves United had a presence behind the Dungannon goal and after the game it was 'alleged', that they chanted racial abuse at the home keeper. This of course was a complete fabrication as the chant from fans as the 'stick thin' Rouse took goal-kicks was the same as chanted by fans all over the country, 'you 'fat' ba--ard' (Love-child). The emphasis on the chant is placed on the last word which is generally drawn out as 'baaaas- taaard, whereas the words 'fat' and 'you' are hardly intoned. Could the following be what happened during this infamous incident, I wonder.

United fans were chanting the 'fat' phrase, when a young Dungannon director asked a mature United fan why they were calling 'Rouse' fat, when he was so obviously 'thin'. This man (we'll call him John Doe),informed him that it was 'black humour', which this director (we'll call him Chicken George), said 'so they're making racist remarks about our keeper'. John Doe said, 'no George, you've got the 'wrong end of the stick', in this instance black has nothing to do with colour, it's really just irony'. Chicken George was by this time totally mystified, he had never heard of 'black' humour and what the hell was irony and where had the stick come from? Not wanting to seem like the complete ass-hole that he was, Chicken George, grinned, John Doe saw him smile and foolishly thought he'd got the message (unfortunately he didn't realise that Chicken George was a typical empty head from the Dungannon back-water).

Chicken George returned to his fellow directors and informed them that United fans were calling their keeper 'black' and as they were by this time 'half-cut', (it's a little known fact that the ingestion of copious amounts of chicken blood, freely available in that area, lowers human resistance to alcohol), in other words very little drink renders them legless. They ganged up on the referee, one Trevor Moutray and after half a bottle of whiskey, diluted with chicken blood, he admitted to hearing 'something'. after another half bottle of local brew, poteen and chicken blood, he said in his report that he distinctly heard United fans call Alvin Rouse a black ba--ard.

What are the lessons to be learned from this unfortunate incident I wonder. I suppose one should never underestimate the depths to which people will sink and how they will completely misrepresent the facts and show no remorse even when the facts are proven to them. Happy new year, bring on the Glens!

Tommy's Wrong!

United return to the 'scene of the crime' this Saturday, that excuse for a football ground that is Ballyskeagh, the home of Lisburn Distillery. The crime in question is the false accusation by former United manager Tommy Wright against United fans for abusing the injured Andy Devlin as he lay writhing on the ground after a 50/50 tackle from United's Nathan Hanly, who was wrongly sent off by referee Steven Weatherall. Big Tam, who was treated rather kindly by United fans, we seldom called for his head (well no more than half a dozen times anyway), has now joined the list of officials (not all of them managers), who have falsely accused United fans of saying sectarian, racial or generally unfair things about them or their players.

Andy Devlin, who let's face it 'made a meal' of a hard tackle, was accorded full respect from Ballymena fans, who were to say the least disgruntled at the unfair dismissal of their player and the rantings of at least one home player. This player then complained to the referee (who heard nothing as there was nothing to hear) and he went and complained to United officials and United kit-man Bertnell Thompson was dispatched to tell us off for saying, 'nothing', but being accused of harassing the injured party. This further maligning of our good name was bad enough, but we were later told that big Tam had also accused us of abusing his player, a load of hogwash or Ballyclare nonsense. Myself and the 'Sport team don't take kindly to these false accusations, but unlike Dungannon, where we have no intention of returning to, we will be at Ballyskeagh on Saturday.

But we will be making our feelings known to big Tam and maybe inquiring where his players get their ideas of making up rubbish about United fans. I wonder what it is that cause so called fellow football folk to make up lies about us? First we had Roy McCreadie who 'falsely' accused us of calling him a 'f-n--n love-child', when in fact we were calling him a 'thieving love-child'. Then David 'the fat controller' Jeffrey accused our fans of sectarian abuse, unproven once more and we were promised an apology which we never got, no surprise there, it takes a decent man to stand up and admit he was wrong and apologise unequivocally, enough said. Then of course came the Dungannon incident, where 'fat' became 'black', when pressure was put on the referee by Dungannon officials, who now try to claim innocence. It's got so bad that I'm now scared to say 'boo' in case I get accused of something completely different, like 'love-child'.

Next week I'll be publishing a 'skit' which I've writ (I know I should say written but writ rhymes better), about the Dungannon incident, hoping that once I get it off my chest, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to look at the incident in another light, but I very much doubt it. By the way I did say 'skit' and not that other word that sounds similar, although it might be nearer the truth. Hopefully you'll see the funny side of it, but in there somewhere there's just a grain of the truth, as they say, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction!