SCUM Explained!

There's been a lot of complaints from some irate Coleraine fans about United fans calling them scum and I thought it would be nice in the interest of forming good relations with our neighbours (whom we love to hate), to try to explain what it means to us. In the mists of time, way back in the 1950's, I first heard the fans of other teams call us 'sheep shaggers'. Now I'm not saying that scum fans (Coleraine), started that disgraceful name calling, but they took it up and I for one can't blame them, it's only common nature after all.

But Coleraine fans sang it with great gusto and United fans were at a loss as how to answer this. We used to call Coleraine fans gypsies but then the gypsies were annoyed and you don't want to get on the wrong end of  gypsies, we know that from experience. We had come up with the gypsies chant because the majority of Coleraine fans live in mobile homes, therefore the chant 'go home to your caravans' is especially pertinent when the game is drawing to a close. We also like to chant this at Linfield fans,Glentoran fans, Cliftonville fans, indeed any fans of the teams we are playing on any given day, biased, we are not.

Then we came up with the word scum, but it actually should be the scuam for it is an acronym and it means and I quote: S. sleek-it C. cowardly,U. unwashed, A. and M. mingeing, so you see the word SCUM fits Coleraine fans perfectly or SCUAM if you want to be exact. I hope this clears up once for all why we call Coleraine and other teams, scum. Glenavon and their players will be addressed as scum I've no doubt when we beat them in the Irish cup final, but that's only to expected. Hows does that song go: We hate Ballinmallard, we hate Warrenpoint too, we hate Glenavon (they're s--t), but United we love you!