Roy's Rain!

No it's not a misprint but I think it sums up what Roy Walker's time as manager of United is all about. Now I don't claim to have influence about our club, but eleven and half years ago we were looking for a manager, after Nigel Best and I like many others thought Kenny Shiels was the man. Kenny lasted five years in the job and it's true he 'flattered to deceive', they were some good times, but they were some bad times and I tend to remember the bad. But when Kenny was sacked, the 'board' in it's wisdom, appointed Tommy Wright. Now I disagreed with this appointment and the Sky Blue Sport team disagreed with as well for two reasons. Firstly, although Tommy had taken Limavady United, who were a relegation hunted team, to the higher reaches of the league, they eventually fell from grace and we were worried that we would improve, only to fail as well.

Secondly, Tommy had done the 'dirt' on us as a player, Kenny signed him as back-up and he played just a handful of matches and he claimed he was hurt and hung up his boots. Then a few weeks later he got a job as Linfield's goalkeeping coach, United cancelled his contract (reading between the lines I believe they paid him off) and two weeks later he registered as a player for Linfield, obviously not a man to be trusted. Tommy as a manager didn't disappoint and through his three years in charge he also 'flattered to deceive' and left us in the lurch, despite the fact that our board in it's wisdom 'sweetened' his contract when first he intimated that he was going to leave. I had cautioned against his appointment and had suggested Marty Quinn (I was told that United fans wouldn't want Marty because of his ethnic background, but I dismissed this as claptrap), Marty took the Coleraine job and as we know the rest is history.

When we were looking for a manager again, the 'board' in it's wisdom, got it narrowed down to two people, neither of which I wanted to see in the job and I made my feelings known and I was told and I quote, 'they had both interviewed well', the mind boggles. Another candidate was local boy made good, Michael O'Neill, but I was told he wanted too much money, (I heard a rumour it was £800 per week, not confirmed) and the choice was made between Tommy's assistant, Jim Gratton and Roy Walker, who been out of the game for a number of years. If Tommy had left us mid-season, we could probably have took a chance on Jim Gratton as caretaker and so the board came to choose Roy Walker. Roy tenure of management men is typified by excuses, he was hampered by a number of players on big contracts in the first years and then we got a catalogue of injuries.

Then the referees was all out to get him and we got some bad decisions no doubt, but the biggest disappointment from my point of view was Roy seemed to listen to other people. This was typified by his disastrous signing of keepers, Ryan Brown and Chris Kerr, when he told us (the fans), that they were both the best keepers in the first division. All I can say is the rest of them must be very poor, these two couldn't catch cold. Cutch, who has been a sensation and Roy's only success story, convinced him about Jenks, another flop and I personally thought he had made a good signing in Elvis an even bigger flop, I could go on and name more but there's no point, suffice to say we are sub-standard. Then the last straw, he panicked and signed Vauls and Watson at the transfer deadline, Vauls after a hesitant start is shaping to be a good player and Watson, the less said about him the better.

Roy didn't seem to be able to motivate his players, we the fans would be built up for a match and the team came out and flopped. Roy maintained he wasn't responsible, but somebody was or something was, maybe the players thought they should have a bonus for playing in knock-outs, for in these games they flopped miserably, I was of the opinion they should all have been fined. Ironically in Roy's last game in charge, the team played like they were really up for it and they were outdone by a poor refereeing decision and a keeper error, typical. Now we are in the market for a new manager and there's six in the frame, but only five are named, who the other one is, I'll try ascertain on Boxing Day, but my source is reluctant to tell me, for I betrayed his trust some years ago, white wine has something to answer for. I hope it's not you know who!

Marjorie Daw!

See-saw, Marjorie Daw, so goes the ancient nursery rhyme and as I reflect on the comings and goings of the last few days, it seems like a fairly relevant phrase. United manager Roy Walker said he thought he needed, a couple of players during the transfer window. I'm sure it never crossed his mind that he'd lose two players who had 'shaken' hands on an extension to their contract, which meant he needed two replacements for them. Another player, who has become part of the United set-up has intimated that he sees no long term future at the Showgrounds and will not be here next season. Walker has already 'shown the door' to Richard Gibson and placed Nathan Hanly on the transfer list, but I believe Mike Smith has to go too.

Roy has already stated that if 'you're not for us, you're against us' and Gibson demonstrated that perfectly on Tuesday night at the Oval. Surely we can't take a chance on Mike Smith throwing in the towel against his likely employers (Linfield), this Saturday. He did play extremely well on Tuesday night, but we need somebody, who's a dyed in the wool Sky Blue man, not a fly by night money grabber. Hanly, Gibson and Smith all fall into that category and therefore they can't be relied on when the chips are down. Roy says Hanly and Gibson shook hands on a new deal, I wonder did they look him straight in the eye when they did it. The eyes are the windows of the soul and the 'shifty' boys can't look you straight in the eye which is a dead give-away.

On top of all this upheaval I found out today that Dwayne Nelson, who performed heroicly on Tuesday night, won't play again this season, yet another position Roy must fill in the next four days. The old saying that it 'never rains but it pours' is definitely bearing true for United at this point. But we've had such misfortunes many times in the past and we've just got on with it. Paul McAreavy may or may not turn out to be a good signing and like Ru McClean will have to be given time to prove his worth. Linfield (beware of wolves in sheep's clothing), have 'loaned' us a young striker, Aaron Boyd, which may or may not be beneficial to us, but only time will tell. A top six position is well within our reach, we have no other distractions and nobody to blame but ourselves if we don't make it. Come on Sky Blues, let's go for it, let's shaft them all!

Skit S--t!

This is a wee 'skit' I've writ(ten), giving a 'tongue in the cheek', reason for the false accusations laid against United fans when they visited Stangmore Park, Dungannon last season. There may be some inaccuracies here, as after all I'm only human (allegedly), but if this offends any United fan, I deeply regret it. If it offends any of those love children from County Tyrone, who told lies about us and influenced the referee, I will be truly ecstatic!

Twas (sorry for the archaic language), Saturday the 15th August, 2009, an auspicious date if ever there was one. United fans had made the long boring journey to Stangmore Park to watch the wee Sky Blues as is their wont on a Saturday afternoon. Now that 'hole', that is Stangmore, has never been a 'happy hunting ground' for us it's fair to say, but we believe in following our team no matter where they go. By a strange coincidence both teams sported a player who it would be fair to say was a non-white. Alvin Rouse, from West Indies I believe, was in goal for the home side, while Ormo Okunaiya, known simply as Ormo by United fans, was playing for the Sky Blues.

There was the usual banter during the game, friendly it could be said, if that's possible, we were as usual branded as 'sheep shaggers', while they who are famous for one thing only, the slaughter of 'chickens' and what they do to them, before or after slaughter, is anybody's guess and I'm not guessing. During the both halves United had a presence behind the Dungannon goal and after the game it was 'alleged', that they chanted racial abuse at the home keeper. This of course was a complete fabrication as the chant from fans as the 'stick thin' Rouse took goal-kicks was the same as chanted by fans all over the country, 'you 'fat' ba--ard' (Love-child). The emphasis on the chant is placed on the last word which is generally drawn out as 'baaaas- taaard, whereas the words 'fat' and 'you' are hardly intoned. Could the following be what happened during this infamous incident, I wonder.

United fans were chanting the 'fat' phrase, when a young Dungannon director asked a mature United fan why they were calling 'Rouse' fat, when he was so obviously 'thin'. This man (we'll call him John Doe),informed him that it was 'black humour', which this director (we'll call him Chicken George), said 'so they're making racist remarks about our keeper'. John Doe said, 'no George, you've got the 'wrong end of the stick', in this instance black has nothing to do with colour, it's really just irony'. Chicken George was by this time totally mystified, he had never heard of 'black' humour and what the hell was irony and where had the stick come from? Not wanting to seem like the complete ass-hole that he was, Chicken George, grinned, John Doe saw him smile and foolishly thought he'd got the message (unfortunately he didn't realise that Chicken George was a typical empty head from the Dungannon back-water).

Chicken George returned to his fellow directors and informed them that United fans were calling their keeper 'black' and as they were by this time 'half-cut', (it's a little known fact that the ingestion of copious amounts of chicken blood, freely available in that area, lowers human resistance to alcohol), in other words very little drink renders them legless. They ganged up on the referee, one Trevor Moutray and after half a bottle of whiskey, diluted with chicken blood, he admitted to hearing 'something'. after another half bottle of local brew, poteen and chicken blood, he said in his report that he distinctly heard United fans call Alvin Rouse a black ba--ard.

What are the lessons to be learned from this unfortunate incident I wonder. I suppose one should never underestimate the depths to which people will sink and how they will completely misrepresent the facts and show no remorse even when the facts are proven to them. Happy new year, bring on the Glens!

Tommy's Wrong!

United return to the 'scene of the crime' this Saturday, that excuse for a football ground that is Ballyskeagh, the home of Lisburn Distillery. The crime in question is the false accusation by former United manager Tommy Wright against United fans for abusing the injured Andy Devlin as he lay writhing on the ground after a 50/50 tackle from United's Nathan Hanly, who was wrongly sent off by referee Steven Weatherall. Big Tam, who was treated rather kindly by United fans, we seldom called for his head (well no more than half a dozen times anyway), has now joined the list of officials (not all of them managers), who have falsely accused United fans of saying sectarian, racial or generally unfair things about them or their players.

Andy Devlin, who let's face it 'made a meal' of a hard tackle, was accorded full respect from Ballymena fans, who were to say the least disgruntled at the unfair dismissal of their player and the rantings of at least one home player. This player then complained to the referee (who heard nothing as there was nothing to hear) and he went and complained to United officials and United kit-man Bertnell Thompson was dispatched to tell us off for saying, 'nothing', but being accused of harassing the injured party. This further maligning of our good name was bad enough, but we were later told that big Tam had also accused us of abusing his player, a load of hogwash or Ballyclare nonsense. Myself and the 'Sport team don't take kindly to these false accusations, but unlike Dungannon, where we have no intention of returning to, we will be at Ballyskeagh on Saturday.

But we will be making our feelings known to big Tam and maybe inquiring where his players get their ideas of making up rubbish about United fans. I wonder what it is that cause so called fellow football folk to make up lies about us? First we had Roy McCreadie who 'falsely' accused us of calling him a 'f-n--n love-child', when in fact we were calling him a 'thieving love-child'. Then David 'the fat controller' Jeffrey accused our fans of sectarian abuse, unproven once more and we were promised an apology which we never got, no surprise there, it takes a decent man to stand up and admit he was wrong and apologise unequivocally, enough said. Then of course came the Dungannon incident, where 'fat' became 'black', when pressure was put on the referee by Dungannon officials, who now try to claim innocence. It's got so bad that I'm now scared to say 'boo' in case I get accused of something completely different, like 'love-child'.

Next week I'll be publishing a 'skit' which I've writ (I know I should say written but writ rhymes better), about the Dungannon incident, hoping that once I get it off my chest, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to look at the incident in another light, but I very much doubt it. By the way I did say 'skit' and not that other word that sounds similar, although it might be nearer the truth. Hopefully you'll see the funny side of it, but in there somewhere there's just a grain of the truth, as they say, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction!

Confusion Rains!

Why was the Boxing day game against the Coleraine scum, called off so early I keep asking myself. Couldn't we have done what Dungannon, Portadown and Cliftonville did and waited until Monday morning? I not only think we could, I am totally convinced we should and if the pitch was still not playable, could the match not have been put back 24 hours until Tuesday, which was still officially a holiday. By all means give the fans warnings about the possibilities of games not taking place, but give yourselves every chance of actually playing the game. The 'thaw' probably wasn't expected, as the original forecast was for more snow on Sunday and not heavy rain as it transpired, but the decision to postpone had already been taken and even if we'd had balmy sunshine, it was too late to reverse the decision.

Or was it I wonder, as I said it was still officially a 'public holiday' as Christmas day and Boxing day fell on Saturday and Sunday, respectively, their official public holidays were Monday and Tuesday. Surely it would have been possible to rearrange the four postponed games for Tuesday afternoon or Tuesday night at the very worst. Of course we are dealing with the I.F.A. here and their collective brains tend to work very slowly. In fact if you listen closely you can almost here the 'cogs' turning over when they are trying to come up with a plausible answer. Not that they have ever come up with any plausible answer or any solution in the last 50 years. They usually just let things potter on until they find their own solution, no taxing of their brains required.

Just have to mention the ludicrous suggestion by Ballymena council to lay a 'Plastic pitch' at the Showgrounds. Having witnessed the two sub-standard pitches on offer in our league at present, Seaview and Solitude, I personally think this is the road to no-town, it will in my opinion be the end of football in our wee country. Games on these surfaces are devoid of 'pure' football skills and players spend the majority of their time trying to 'keep' their feet. As a spectacle it is 'bloody boring' and the sooner it's disallowed (surely clubs can agree to ban teams with such surfaces from the Premier league), the better it'll be for Irish football. As for our council allegedly saying we are merely 'tenants' and will have to abide by their decisions, maybe they should cast their minds back to the huge amounts of grant money which their tenants have steered in their direction and without which the Showgrounds would never have been developed.

On another note I've been thinking lately about the 'water' crisis that is affecting our wee country. Burst pipes all over the show, no fresh water and at the head of it all a bunch of nincompoops. There is an analogy here believe it or not, they could in fact be talking about the I.F.A. Just think about it their management skills are a total farce, their equipment is outdated, no adequate investment in the last 20 years. They stand up and keep saying we're doing our best and at the end of the day they're not accountable. Politicians have promised heads will roll, but even if they do they'll be laughing all the way to the bank with their 'golden handshakes'. Yes it's just the I.F.A. in disguise and worse yet, it's still going on. Happy new year to all my readers or reader as the case may be and come on Sky Blues!

Half Empty!

I suppose I'm posing a philosophical question here, we're exactly half way through the league season, 19 games played, 19 games to play, but is the glass half empty or half full? That is the big question, I personally believe it's half empty. Here we are with a record of played 19 games, won 7, drawn 7 and lost 5, it's only really about average and 28 points is a poor return. In another 14 games the 'split' will occur and I think we'll need 50 points to be sure of being in the top half, so a vast improvement will be needed between now and mid-March. Not good news when you've just lost two of your best players, Gibbo with a broken foot, minimum 6 week lay-off and play-maker Nathan Hanly , for 2 games courtesy of miscarriage of justice, when he was wrongly sent off against Lisburn Distillery. Some people are going to have to step up and be counted over the next few weeks, but who it's hard to say.

Ryan Berry came off the bench last week and scored an equaliser for us and looks to be the obvious replacement for Hanly, but who partners him is another matter as Taggart was the man he replaced at halftime and he came off injured. Mo, who we at 'Sport foolishly wrote off a few weeks ago, played a major part in United's equaliser last Saturday and he may get his chance, as Rory Carson is still a couple of weeks away from full fitness. United's squad will be tested fully over the next few weeks, with 3 big league games coming up, away to Dungannon Swifts on December 11 and then home to the Glens on Christmas Saturday, before entertaining the 'scum' on Boxing Day. These of course are the times that define exactly what type of players we have in our side, are the quitters, or will they roll their sleeves up and get on with it, hopefully the latter will prevail.

Just thought in passing I must allude to the big event today when England lost it's bid for the 2018 World cup finals. The reason, they refused to 'grease' enough palms, believing that right was on their side. We in Norn Iron aren't quite as naive, take for example the meeting between the local Government and the I.F.A. today, as we seek to get some much needed funds from our Politicians while surreptitiously feeding cash to Linfield like it's going out of fashion. The I.F.A. claims to have struck a new deal with Linfield, which is allegedly better than the previous one. I'm not going to go into the perplexities of the deal, but here it is as simply as I can put it. At the minute Linfield get about £500,000 from the I.F.A. each season and they are responsible for small running repairs to the ground. In the new deal they'll get £250,000 each year, sole use of Windsor park where most finals are played and no responsibility for the upkeep of the Stadium, if that's not a good deal for Linfield, then Sepp Blatter's a saint!

Half Over!

Around about 15-45 on Saturday afternoon we will have reached the halfway stage of this years league, well the halfway stage before the split, if that makes sense. We'll have played exactly 16.5 league games and amassed 24 points (hopefully more by 16-50), in the process and if we can double that tally in the next 16.5 games, I've no doubt we'll be in the top six, but it ain't going to be easy. The teams below us, Coleraine scum, Glenavon, Newry and our dear friends from Dungannon, all appear to be over their collective 'bad spells' and one things for certain, they will pull out all the stops against us.

Cliftonville, whom we play this Saturday have lost their last 3 league games and their manager Eddie Patterson will no doubt have them all fired up to try and arrest their mini-slump. If we can play to our strengths and avoid an over-reaction from the referee, (Davey Malcolm),I believe we can prevail against the North Belfast Reds. Having said that the referee, aforementioned who is assigned for this game has already had two 'stinkers' in games he officiated in when we were involved, that is the down side. On the up side, we won both those games, one of them with ten men, but hopefully this time we'll manage to keep all eleven players on the pitch.

It's time for our boys to get back to delivering the goods, we were not impressive in our last two games, but on the plus side, we didn't lose. We should've had a win on Tuesday night, even with ten men and can probably count ourselves unlucky to only take a point from the Linfield match, although I do think a draw was a fair result, as for the Glenavon game, we definitely got out of 'jail free' in that one. The blossoming partnership between Gibbo and Cutch could be the key to our success or decline in the coming winter months, which will in turn define our season.

With the 'exciting' Rory Carson unlikely to make a comeback before the end of January, our manager may be tempted to bring someone in when the transfer window opens, as we are desperately short of midfield cover. The experiment of bringing in the Carninney boys has greatly misfired and Mo especially has failed to make a serious impact. In our game at Portadown he was impressive, but since then he has regressed. The time has come to stand up and be counted, 7 points in our next 3 games are vital, otherwise we will be back in the bottom six and that is not a nice place to be, only believe!

Curse Lifted?

I know it's been a while since I last blogged, I haven't been too busy, in fact most of my time is spent doing sweet F.A. now that I have retired, I merely wanted to see if we (United Sky Blues), had turned the corner. Alas I have to report that we are no further forward than we were 2 years ago. We are hopeless at the basics, we cannot defend throw-ins, corner kicks and free-kicks. We cannot take throw-ins, corner kicks or free-kicks. These are basic things that happen time and time again during the 90 odd minutes of a football game and how you deal with them is what defines you as a football team.

With the arrival of Nathan Hanly, United's taking of corners and free-kicks has greatly improved, but the end product is still badly missing. When they go to the far post, on average I'd say about 70% of the time, then they invariably end up as goal-kicks. Surely this is something that can be ironed out in training. Our throw-ins seem to have only one target man, Gibbo. The ploy seems to be a hopeful throw in his direction, hoping he can get his head on it, average number of times we get possession out of this, 20%, not a good ratio. It's entirely possible to throw the ball to 'feet' and the one and only time we did this on Saturday past, it led to a goal for us, let's have some more please.

Then there's our defending of throw-ins and corners, that leaves a lot to be desired, especially at throw-ins. Take Saturday past as a prime example, Portadown get a throw-in level with our 18 yard line and what do we do, we give them all the space they require and then do the 'unforgivable', allow the cross to come in and it leads to a goal. Our defending from corner kicks has improved somewhat, as goalkeeper Dwayne Nelson, leaves his line occasionally to punch the ball as he realises his fellow defenders will never clear it. We have also got a very bad habit of allowing crosses to come in, that is the road to no town. Of course given our record at throw-ins and corners, maybe that's no big surprise.

But we're lying filth in the league table on goal difference (we still don't score enough and let in too many) and with a teams beating each other every week, we have a chance to stay there, so we must be doing something right. I believe that we're getting the breaks. Take Saturday past, Portadown could and should have been at least 3-1 ahead at halftime, as Boyle, who scored their goal, missed an easier chance later and then had a good claim for a penalty turned down. In the last two seasons those things have gone against us, but now they're going for us. Why this change in fortune I wonder? Is it possible that the Gypsy curse, 'allegedly' put on the Showgrounds 20 years ago has been lifted? I don't know, but somebody up there is surely looking after us at the moment and long may it continue, now where did I put that lucky rabbit's foot!

Backward Jumps!

There's no point in taking a backward step, but even worse would be to take a backward jump as has been suggested in the press recently as the I.F.A. (better known as the bunglers), attempt to replace president Raymond Kennedy. The name being mooted is that of former president, the strangely colour blind, Jimmy 'I'll do as I please' Boyce. Memories are obviously short as Boycie is a reminder of the bad old days, when we couldn't organise a raffle (admittedly we're still useless at organising things), but occasionally we get it right. There was talk of a breakaway league, but that seems to have died a death, like most things in local football.

The I.F.A. Is in meltdown and has been for the last fifteen years or even longer. Where else would you find an association where junior clubs have the final say as to what happens in the Premier league. If we can't have the Premier league governed by Premier league people then surely a breakaway is the only logical step forward, or will we just drag our collective heels, going from one crisis to another, while money earmarked for development is withheld by our tight fisted government. The proposed new deal with Linfield is a prime example of the inefficiency of the governing body, where they have taken away from Linfield on the one hand, only to give them an even better deal on the other.

Who in their right mind (okay I admit I'm being silly here, theirs none of them even remotely sane), would propose a deal where Linfield will still own the ground, will pay nothing towards it's upkeep, will be able to play on it almost when they want, get a big handshake from the I.F.A. every year and be able to play every final on their home pitch. Am I the only person who can see how ludicrous this sounds, the King as they say 'is as naked as the day that he was born', but only a few can see it. It's almost as ludicrous as the backward jump, forecast by myself, taken by Ballymena Borough council in regard to the Stock cars which share the use of the Showgrounds (nay dictate the use of the Showgrounds, where United cannot play Friday night games as the stock cars have sole use on those days), with the football club and haven't contributed one penny towards the development of the facilities.

Surely the promises made by the council of new turnstiles and a new entrance for home fans via the Ecos centre should be fulfilled. We have after all helped them to get funding for the refurbishment of the old stand and previously the building of the new one (a name for it is long overdue) and the provision of dressing rooms etc. Is it too much to ask that they, the council, deliver the goods they have promised or is it just another pipe dream, where they fob us off with promises and then claim their hands are tied. Enough is enough, it's time to get off their collective backsides and give us a fair crack of the whip, it's all we ask!

Remember Limavady!

What a strange headline you might think as we embark on a new season, we've unloaded all our 'money grabbing' parasites and are now a lean points gathering team. All I can say is I haven't seen or heard (mostly heard), much evidence of our point grabbing expertise. I've only attended two pre-season games seeing the whole of the Cowdenbeath game and the 2nd half of the N.I. junior game. These two games were typical of our shortcomings over the last 10 seasons, promised plenty, but delivered nothing! Against Cowdenbeath we got a great start, two nil up at halftime and then went to sleep at a set-piece and were somewhat lucky to get away with a draw.

Against the junior International side, coached by former United player Harry McConkey, we could hardly string two passes together and paid the price in the end with a 2-1 defeat. But these two games were as nothing compared to the game sandwiched in between them, the benefit for former United player Lee Patrick, away to Limavady United. A defeat for the Sky Blues was always on the cards, but to lose 5-0 was really unacceptable. People may argue and say that we didn't have a full first team out, but at the end of the day we had the nucleus of our side on duty and they failed miserably.

This does not augur well for the new season and wouldn't it be ironic if we were drawn away to Limavady in the first round of the C.I.S.cup, which rightly in my opinion has become a knock-out competition. But before that happens United have to face their first league fixtures, starting with a visit to league champions Linfield. A visit to Windsor is rarely pleasant and even more so with our dismal record, but to make matters worse, we are to be 'herded' into the Alex Russell stand behind the goals, as the North stand undergoes repairs.

This arrangement brings the number of grounds where fans are limited to a view from behind the goals to five, in my book five too many, but then again the I.F.A. don't give a hoot about the people who keep them in a job, the long suffering fans. If Roy Walker requires a rallying call for his team this season he could do worse than say to them, 'remember Limavady'! Not that, that game or result was one to be remember, but the fact that it is one we don't want to see repeated. Let's forget about the 'nicey nicey' football, let's get stuck in and remember the immortal words of Corporal Jones in 'Dad's Army', "they don't like it up em", so let's give em what they don't like!