Not Entertainment!

While watching United week in and week out, as I do, I have grown accustomed to lacklustre performances but in the last two games United have really plumbed the depths of mediocrity. The game at the Mallards was a bad example of a game with nothing at stake, but two days ago at Warrenpoint, when United had a target in mind, consolidating 7th place, they played like a team of individuals who had just met before the kick-off. I don't care what anybody says, there's no excuse for this 'devil may care' attitude, we deserve to be entertained but we have been short-changed by the Sky Blues.

If our manager, Spike, had picked a weakened team on Tuesday last at Milltown, I could have forgiven him, but that line-up, minus our keeper Shan, could be our Irish cup final selection and they didn't inspire confidence, if anyone has been undecided about the final and witnessed that gutless performance, I'd lay money, on them giving the final a miss. A few are talking about Captain Jenks for 'Footballer of the year' in our club and if we win the Irish cup, it'll be hard to curb their enthusiasm for the Scottish native. But in our last two games, when we were looking for somebody to give us inspiration, Alan, was as mediocre as the rest, if not worse.

One man has stood head and shoulders above everyone else in the last month or two and indeed all season, David 'Cookie' Munster. David will never see 35 again, but he plays like a man half his age and his never-say-die attitude is an example to his younger and fitter team-mates. Rumour has it that he's thinking of packing football in after this season, but I hope that the United management team will try to change his mind and if all else fails, sign him on a 'match to match' basis. But maybe David has seen enough of this United panel and their big heads, I certainly have. With only two games to go, at home to Ards on Saturday and then the big one on 3 May against Glenavon, in ten days, soon it will be a memory, I for one can't wait!

SCUM Explained!

There's been a lot of complaints from some irate Coleraine fans about United fans calling them scum and I thought it would be nice in the interest of forming good relations with our neighbours (whom we love to hate), to try to explain what it means to us. In the mists of time, way back in the 1950's, I first heard the fans of other teams call us 'sheep shaggers'. Now I'm not saying that scum fans (Coleraine), started that disgraceful name calling, but they took it up and I for one can't blame them, it's only common nature after all.

But Coleraine fans sang it with great gusto and United fans were at a loss as how to answer this. We used to call Coleraine fans gypsies but then the gypsies were annoyed and you don't want to get on the wrong end of  gypsies, we know that from experience. We had come up with the gypsies chant because the majority of Coleraine fans live in mobile homes, therefore the chant 'go home to your caravans' is especially pertinent when the game is drawing to a close. We also like to chant this at Linfield fans,Glentoran fans, Cliftonville fans, indeed any fans of the teams we are playing on any given day, biased, we are not.

Then we came up with the word scum, but it actually should be the scuam for it is an acronym and it means and I quote: S. sleek-it C. cowardly,U. unwashed, A. and M. mingeing, so you see the word SCUM fits Coleraine fans perfectly or SCUAM if you want to be exact. I hope this clears up once for all why we call Coleraine and other teams, scum. Glenavon and their players will be addressed as scum I've no doubt when we beat them in the Irish cup final, but that's only to expected. Hows does that song go: We hate Ballinmallard, we hate Warrenpoint too, we hate Glenavon (they're s--t), but United we love you!

League Points!

After the euphoria of a Irish cup semi-final win it's back to the bread and butter of league points this Saturday as United travel to Coleraine to take on the scum. Its fair to say we haven't been stamping our authority on the derby fixtures between us for a number of seasons, but we have the chance to right that wrong this Saturday, if we avoid defeat against the scum. The IFA aren't helping our cause, as we have two players suspended for this fixture, Jimer and Tony, both will be sadly missed.

If that's not enough to curb your enthusiasm, Archie, JT and Thommo are all injured and Darboy is unavailable due to the ridiculous agreement that was negotiated by the 'diving bird', Kearney before he would let Darboy's registration go through. The United first team panel will take a bit of wallop, that's six players missing and I fully expect our keeper Shan, to get rested as he was against Dungannon. Will Fergie be as bold as he was against the Swifts and drop all of his starting line-up of last Saturday's semi-final? I sincerely hope not, this game means almost as much to 'dyed in wool' supporters, as did last Saturday's triumph over Queens.

So I for one will be hoping for the minimum disruption to the team as is possible, bearing in mind that we can't afford to risk anyone who's not 100% fit. For last Saturday's encounter with Queens, we had a surprise hero in Alan D and its performances like that we expect from him, but it only happens occasionally. This Saturday we will need somebody else to step up to the plate and I fervently hope its my favourite player, Cush, who has been strangely withdrawn of late. But Cush knows what is expected of him when we play the scum and I expect him to deliver the goods this Saturday.

Last Saturday Mark Kelly, came on as a sub with 3 mins to go and got his first senior goal for the Sky Blues and I fully expect him to get the nod from the start this week. Two other fringe players could get a start in Sparky and Gavin, Sparky in defence and Gavin in midfield. Could Cookie Munster play his 100th game in a United jersey against the scum, or will Glenn make him wait for that milestone for another day. We need to be up for this one as the scum are not immune to the dogfight for the play-off place, but a win for them could make them virtually safe, but we have got to stop them achieving that safety net COSB

Forty Hours!

With forty hours to go to the long awaited Irish cup semi-final against Queens, I admit I'm getting a wee tad nervous. Our manager Spike sprung a total surprise on me and the rest of the Sky Blue Sport's team, with his team selection for last Saturday game against Dungannon Swifts. Only two men of his starting eleven of the previous Saturday were in the panel of 16 and they didn't get a game. In the end I suppose we played quite well considering and if we triumph on Saturday our manager will be hailed as a genius. But I'm of the old school of thought and I believe in order to keep players sharp, you have got to play them every week.

Glenn was at pains to point out that Shan is his only recognised keeper and I could see his point in giving him a rest, but the other ten players, who will make up the bones of our starting eleven, I think needed to play. Letting them have a day off is not going to do their confidence any good, for its a well known fact that you are only as good as your last match and in our last match we suffered defeat. Much better to have rested three of four regulars and tried to win the game and took a chance about injuries, than to virtually hand the Swifts the three points as we did.

The theory is that we will come back rested and rejuvenated and raring to go, but we also will have lost that sharpness that comes from playing every seven days as we normally do. That said we should have too much firepower for Queens, but you only have to cast your mind back to a couple of games this season, against, Ballymoney Utd and the Welders, to see how we struggled against so called inferior teams. Queens are in the semi-final on merit, that they will make life hard for us, I've no doubt, but we need to be prepared to fight tooth and nail for every ball.

If we treat them with respect and don't in for 'show-boating', as we tend to do sometimes, I think we will win the game but its going to be a hard task. Glenn is away getting his pro licences in order this week and his two lieutenants are left to pick up the strain and get the team ready for the game. Glenn admits its not ideal preparation, but he needs his coaching badge and he's only following orders so to speak. But that's why we have an assistant-manager and first team coach to step into the breech when necessary. I know it's not going to be easy, but if we're all United, we can pull it off, so come on Sky Blues, lets shag those Lambs!